Wonderful weekend

Part of our Thanksgiving festivities, includes getting together with family. I love getting together with family, we have family close by and family far away. It amazes me how easy it is to pick up on what's been going on in the lives of family members from far away. It's like the distance doesn't even matter. This weekend for instance I got some great ideas for teaching my little guy the scriptures well teaching my little guy period really, and everyone got to see how quickly he's growing! Then of course there was the shopping! I'm not much for crowds but I love getting good deals! And I've never gotten to go shopping on Black Friday because I've always had to work. So yes, I got some good deals, but I also didn't get everything I wanted guess I'll have to go earlier next year! I am happy to report however that my Christmas shopping is almost complete! (No small task since I have to buy for like twenty people!)
Since this post is starting to ramble on and on, I think I will just go back to wrapping my presents! Hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving

Since tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I thought I would take a moment to list some things for which i am thankful. First of all my beautiful baby boy,I waited a long time but he is worth every minute. My wonderful husband who works so hard so I can stay home and take care of our little angel. My Heavenly Father who knows me and loves me and has blessed me in more ways than i can count. I think that pretty well covers everything the last one is a big one that accounts for all my blessings. I always think about writing down all the wonderful things I am grateful for, but I'm afraid I would leave something or a lot of somethings out. It's all the little things that mean so much. I realize that everyday as I watch my little guy grow and learn new things, something as simple as him learning to roll over or sit up or him crawling after me when I leave the room,makes me so proud of him. Heavenly Father definitely has a plan for all of us and if we are patient (believe me I know how difficult that is sometimes) we will be blessed more than we can even imagine.

What a blessing

When I finally did get pregnant, I spent the next nine and a half months freaking out! Every visit to the doctor was a wave of relief every time I saw or heard my little baby. I'd get back home and panic again. "Is everything ok, he's not moving around as much today as he did yesterday, or he's moving around more than normal" Every little thing could send me into panic mode! People say when your pregnant you should not let yourself get too stressed, but I was stressed about the pregnancy. I knew all too well that things can happen in pregnancy and I worried about them constantly. I don't know how normal that is, but I've known other people that stressed just as much as I did. Now I realize that I was panicking for no reason and everything was fine, but then I just wanted a healthy baby. And a healthy baby is just what I got! Every struggle we had to endure, was worth it a million times over for that tiny little baby that the nurse handed to me.
Of course I know anyone that hasn't had the experience of having a baby or has been struggling with adoption, will not want to hear that Heavenly Father knows each of us. He knows what we need, what we can endure, and what we will endure. When my husband would get in his funk about how "unfair" it was that we really wanted children and couldn't have any. I would tell him Heavenly Father knew that you (my husband) would do whatever it takes to have children in our home, and there are a lot of children that need good homes. I truly believe that is true. Especially now as I look at my beautiful baby boy, he is the perfect fit to both my husband and myself. He is definitely "worth the wait".

Our adoption journey

One day we just decided we were ready to adopt. We were tired of waiting for the money to be just right and schooling to be over. So we set out to start our home study. It took us nearly 6 months to complete our home study, and we were so sure that we had put the right amount of love into it that everyone would see the wonderful people we are and be willing to consider us for their baby. A year went by, then two, then three without so much as the first word from our adoption agency (aside from the yearly updates to our homestudy). So once again we started looking at our options. We had choosen the agency we had because of financial concerns, this agency was the cheapest, they came highly recommended and so we saw this as our only option in the beginning. After three years with not a peep we decided to consider international adoption, however, international adoption is often faster but expensive. So I was researching agencies and countries but nothing seemed to fit us. We had family that had adopted from China and we would have loved to but by the time we decided to go international the wait for China was three years. (So wait another three years or find a different country.) Then there was also the issue that our home study would have to be re-done because the agency we were with did not do international adoption. During my ramblings through agencies and countries I found an option for embryo adoption. This to me sounded alien and so I dismissed it. And yet it kept showing up everywhere, every site I looked at, in the newspaper, and so we started to consider it. We filed all our paperwork, went for the "pre-transfer" and then started on the protocol to recieve an embryo. Again so certain we were that the first transfer would be the one and I would end up pregnant with triplets (because they transfered 3 embryos) and again we were disappointed. Then we started the cycle for our second transfer. I was told I was pregnant then two days later I was told "false alarm not really". After transfer #2 we had to regroup.
Unless you are going through the struggle of adoption and trying to have a baby with failure after failure, you really can't understand the heartbreak and disappointment you feel. I felt like everything was my fault, that I was doing something wrong and that I would never be blessed with a baby of my own. My husband would tell you that he felt the same way. Everyone would try to cheer me up with "It will happen when Heavenly Father decides" " All in Heavenly Fathers time" "When He plans it". I can look back now and know that everyone was right of course and that I should have been more patient. But at the time their assurances just made me angry. I didn't want to hear all that, I felt in my heart that NOW was the time before we ever signed the first piece of paper.

Rainy day

I'm not to the point yet where i can go off on random subjects but today i am just feeling like i need to sorta vent. My computer has temporarily been hijacked by some creature in my air duct and typing with these teeny tiny letters is no fun. No some creature did not literally hijack my computer but as my computer is in the same area as said creature i don't want to take the chance that it gets out and then is in the room with me. Hopefully he will find his way out the same way he got in or someone will come and assist him to where he belongs today and i can get back to my story of how i became a mommy to the beautiful baby asleep down the hall.

Things about me

I have always been a planner. I have goals about every little thing down to how my house should be cleaned (and i clean a lot but that's a whole other subject). My life goals have always been to get married, have babies, and become a doctor (not necessarily in that order).  After one year at a school i hated i changed my goal to be a doctor and i am glad because doctors have virtually no life outside their patients. After i succeeded in convincing my wonderful husband to marry me, my next logical goal was babies. In a perfect world we would have waited a year and then had our first child. This is not a perfect world. We knew before we were married that we had some fertility issues but we did not know the extent of the issue nor did it ever occur to us that adopting was such a difficult task.

First Post

Since I began thinking about creating this blog, I've come to realize that I actually have much to say about the wonderful world of motherhood and the extremely rough road it has taken for me to become a mother. I can't wait to share my experiences.